The site title “Aimless” is a moniker I received from a teacher at Aptos High School (CA) in front of a class of my peers–who didn’t know me except as the shy, new girl who wasn’t fitting in–which hit an emotional target that’s taken me over 30 years to pull back from. Which kind of sums up what this site is about: how often Life hits our emotional targets, how long it can take to find our way back to calm, and how often we feel lost and purposeless as we muddle our way through.
I grew up in various areas of Northern California, and spent my teens and early twenties searching for meaning, but only found over-thinking and isolation. And–perhaps not surprisingly–spirituality (and psychedelics). I’ve lived in several states, and have moved in and out of towns and cities and relationships, experiencing all the highs and lows that we all share our existence with. The desperate longing. The adrenaline-soaked anger. The detached malaise. The immediate ecstasy of loving something beyond which you thought you were capable.
I learned that life is mostly about grey areas, and that two truths–seemingly incompatible–can peacefully co-exist. Like how the Buddha could be wise and yet incredibly callous (in leaving his wife and son). And how an evil deed can spur on a generous act. How we are all so impossibly imperfect and flawed, and yet so freaking lovable simply because we try so damned hard.
Religions and spirituality fascinate me, but–after a life-long search–I guess I’ve finally come to the conclusion that the existence of God or the spiritual universe can only be truly appreciated by embracing the miraculous beauty of Beethoven’s 9th symphony, or other amazing feat of creativity. These creative “callings” unify us, which is exactly where religions seem to fail.
I currently live in Salt Lake City, UT, am 47, and a single parent of two girls. I’m also a business owner, an animal lover, a teacher, an overthinker, a writer finding her voice, and a devoted believer in the emotional freedom that comes with complete authenticity.
Aimless. (Permanently: TBD).