All you have is love

 ❤️ All you have is love. ❤️ As life is wont to offer, I have experienced the ins and outs of the deepest darkness and came one desperate night many years ago to be sitting on the back stairs of my own home on Garfield Avenue in Salt Lake City trying to sequester myself for the powerful and frightening things that had been drawn to me. 🌿🌿🌿And maybe there comes a point in everyone’s life where they are faced with the threat of feeling so alone that they cannot do anything but look at it, wondering aloud to the universe while sitting on the carpeted steps in the back of their home, ‘what can I do? Please help me.” But that is where I was that night. And there is both a long story and a short story through the journey of its resolution and I’ll leave neither but will simply say that I sat down on the steps as

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Isn’t it good

[Above pic from Christmas Day 2017; I was heading back out to work so we snapped a pic] And somehow in the ins and outs of synchronicity and happenstance, that day before her birthday on November 30th, 2017, I began melding with The Beatles’ “Norwegian Wood”, again returning to that one refrain which bows me down until I remember that day of holding my baby, knowing (like not in my head but in my body; like a knowing stretching outside of “knowing”) that pooling around my experience was now the potential for every single bit of love and agony possible to have within one life. For I had worried I wouldn’t love her as I did Julia; that was a real thing for me. I worried I’d never be able to rise to that level; Julia was my early baby, born 7 weeks before she was ready then hooked to IVs—“she might die; be blind, deaf; have disabilities”—and even before

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