Lady at the Costco eye center counter last week when I was ordering: “Are you sure? They’re too big for your face.” Me (inner eye roll, like she thinks it’s amateur hour): “No problem. Been wearing broken ones for 15 months; lost two other pairs in one year. I’m not even gonna have these long. … Continue reading Contacts?
The collective anxiety right now is incredible; lots of people unable to feel a sense of safety so it’s coming out as worry, desire to control things and a reaching out for near-constant reassurance from the world which in other circumstances would be eased by their own effort via coping skills and established resilience. If … Continue reading What would my asshole cat do?
“And I wanted him to feel like part of a family so I said, ‘Puppy, this ball is mine. In fact, the toys are mine, the people are mine, and all the areas you see are mine. But hey: don’t worry about it, buddy; we’ll get there.’” (Via Spot, a kitty I sit for)
Thank you Instagram for posting an advertisement on your phone app for the exact hotel I was googling on my home computer earlier this morning. Nothing helps me feel more at peace with eventually having to grow my own vegetables and harvest my own water when capitalism fails and the planet says fuck it than … Continue reading Sponsored/Spying
Or you CAN touch but you’re gonna pay for it. Thank you to my oldest daughter for tagging me in this on Instagram because it’s a big moment in a parent’s life when they’re finally able to connect with their kids on the profound life issues.
I’ll keep at it then. Just in case. (Seen in house of new sit family proving that the universe delivers all the sagest shit to her little bitches)
The voting is in and I'm Jack, Julia is Wise, and Livy is Lazy; all other positions remain open with an additional write-in spot going to the candidate for "Kiss Ass” about which if you qualify, you can not only be my next child but if you also make good coffee, I’d bump you up … Continue reading Ass’s
Text my oldest—a worrier—sent me that night; I ran out of the house in a panic once I realized I’d forgotten to close the door to the unit and she followed up diligently to see how the b&e went Sometimes, when it's 9:30 at night and you realize that you accidentally left your Public Storage … Continue reading Felony Mama Bear
USPS card left at my home saying my package was undeliverable because they couldn’t find my home USPS: "Ma'am, we delivered the card to tell you where to pick up the package. That's what that card is. We couldn't find your house so we sent the package to the nearest post office and mailed you … Continue reading Undeliverable
The daughter who starred in this is now 21 and very responsible--employed and everything--so I think this 2016 Facebook post reflects her peak "stoner." I can't exactly remember but believe she did clean her car that day with “bleach and chemicals”—and thank god for that because how else would she even get cancer?—but it still … Continue reading The Flow