Category Archives: philosophy

Peace inside speeding abyss

[pic of the sky that very morning of “hey guys”. What a beauty)

In early 2017, I had an experience when I looked at the moon peeking out from behind the clouds; I could feel myself floating in a great abyss of blackness, racing through a Universe of unknown size at speeds that are literally unimaginable for my human brain to comprehend.

And in that same moment, I could feel the truth of that experience; the truth of all of that was happening as I stood there watching cloud wisps uncover the moon. And I became terrified. For in spite of what we perceive is occurring, we ARE hurtling through space. Through blackness, on a rock, floating with nothing underneath us, and if you push past yourself for a minute, you break through the illusion created by your own mind and instead of looking at the loveliness of our moon coming out from behind the clouds—feeling like the center of the world with moon as a beautiful reflection of our sun, rotating around our earth, anchoring us into stability–come to experience that we are simply specks in a larger whole within which we’re such a small part our brains can’t even get there. And the awareness of it all at once was too much for me that night and I hurriedly looked away from the sky. Because in spite of all of the well-intentioned New Age blah blah sometimes it makes perfect sense to be afraid.

And yet life moves on.

And so it was that this morning I walked outside under what (I’m assuming) is the same rock in the sky reflecting the light of the sun and a breeze was making the trees talk and stars were revealing great magic, and I inhaled of breath for the beauty above me, and instead of fear felt grateful they beheld a larger truth than human.

Then as I walked into the house with Sasha (aka Sasha Pants, our angelic boarder canine), looked at stars and moon and said “hey guys” in greeting, and started singing “…Rocket Man, burning out his fuse up there alone,” like passing through to thought, the sky was now my new home.

3/30/2018

And I’m walking Greta and Tala and thinking about grief because I’m putting my dog to sleep today sometime between 11 and three, and I asked the vet to text a half hour before he arrives to give me a chance to run home because I’m on my 15 hour workday stretches—it’s been spring break for folks over the last two weeks—plus I’m moving and the order in which to triage the chaos is like looking in every direction for due north because your entire system is malfunctioning.

And it’s a cool morning, and the girls’ fur sways to our movement.  Continue reading 3/30/2018